Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Scott Walker ReBrands the Wisconsin State Capitol

Scott Walker’s most inspired idea in his first term as Wisconsin Governor was the issuance of new and improved State Capitol access rules, under the auspices of his Department of Administration (DOA), last Thursday.

These new rules will allow the pro-business Walker administration to enhance the state’s ability to use the capacious Wisconsin Capitol building, and its park-like grounds, in a multiple-use format, moving beyond its traditionally restrictive role as an office building for the state government.

This brilliant re-branding campaign for the Capitol property will only enhance the Governor’s already aggressive job creation policies, and show that “Wisconsin is Open for Business”.
Chief Tubbs sans DOA leash
DOA Deputy Secretary Schoenerr
On Tuesday morning, the DOA hosted the first public information session for the Capitol Rules for Access to the Public (CRAP), in the basement of the 1917 National Historic Landmark.

Leading the informative meeting was DOA Deputy Secretary Chris Schoenherr, a former WE Energies executive, and Capitol Police Chief Charles Tubbs.
Seconding Deputy Secretary Schoenherr was DOA Communications Director Jocelyn "Frau Blucher" Webster, a former Public Realtions guru for 7-Eleven and the George Bush White House.

Webster insured that the Wisconsin Capitol Correspondents Association reporters felt privileged to maintain their symbiotic relationship with the Walker administration by holding a special post-meeting press Q & A in the vending machine area.
The remaining attendees were a small horde of poorly dressed Madison union types, with the exception of Rep. Chris Taylor (D) of the 48th Assembly district, a liberal elitist lawyer, who I’m certain drives a Volvo, but at least knows how to shop for, and wear professional attire, albeit at the expense of the hard-working taxpayers of Wisconsin.

There was so much good information provided by Deputy Secretary Schoenherr and Chief Tubbs at the Tuesday meeting. And certainly, more would have been revealed, if the Madison thugs hadn’t continually interrupted the DOA Power Point presentation to ask their ill-mannered questions about the sanctity of the Wisconsin and US Constitutions.

It was as if these liberal moochers, all of whom probably contributed to the $7.5 million in damage to the Capitol back in February, actually cared about the rule of law.

After all, who cares more about the Constitution than Scott Walker and his DOA?  It was the DOA that conscientiously closed the Capitol to all Wisconsinites on February 27, in order to clean up the mess left from the antics of the thousands of agitators who camped like homeless people in our State House.

And now, Scott Walker and the DOA, with the support of the soon to be privatized Capitol Police, will transform the Capitol building into something bigger and better.
"State Patrol" Themed Capitol Private Security 

The Wisconsin Capitol and Grounds will cease to be a playground for Madison Marxists and violent out-of-state union thugs, and will no longer be a drain on the hard working taxpayers of Wisconsin. Instead, this well positioned property, centrally located in the state’s second largest metropolitan market, will be re-purposed into a revenue generating colossus.

DOA Power Point Presentation Highlights!

·         Historic and Politically themed Capitol Building and Grounds 
o   Williamsburg type interactive and interpretive re-enactments 
§  Legislators holding OpenMeetings©
§  Supreme Court Justices engaging in CivilDiscourse©
§  Governor listening to WISConstituents©  

·         Privately managed property 
o   High fee, long term property naming rights 
o   Outsourced Security 
o   Outsourced Facilities Maintenance – prison labor

·         Office/residential/retail mixed-use plan 
o   Wasted space in “empty” Rotunda converted to lake view condos
o   Rotunda “WMC branded” lobbyist themed restaurant              
o   Basement Wild Game restaurant managed by J. Kleefisch
o   Retail/office space on Capitol grounds to include:
§  Rodeo Drive-type aspirational retail experience 
§  High-end casual restaurants 
§  ActivisThug themed retail store 
·         Clothing, pins, posters 
·         Heart shaped balloons 
·         Demonstrator lessons
o   Human Mic
o   Sign making
o   Politician taunting
·         Themed political demonstrations to maintain historic nature of place
o   Demonstration User Fees to generate maximum revenue
§  Security surcharges
§  Clean up surcharges
§  Permit processing fees
o   DignifieDemonstrations™ to enhance retail/dining experience
§  72 hour Ticketron VIP Reservation system (Permitting Process)
§  Demonstrator dress code and behavior policy
§  Protest sign design/usage policy to coordinate with Common Area design theme
Corporate Enhanced "Protest" Signs 
§  Photography/videography provided by fee-based professionals
§  UsualSuspects annual membership program
o   Special Events – Gold level protest experience
§  Participants and spectators charged additional user/licensing fees
·         Afghanistan War Anniversary
·         NORML “4/20”Light Up” celebration
·         Martin Luther King, Jr. Assassination Anniversary
·         Pre-planned SpontaneousRalliEZ
§  Platinum Level Protest Experience – Premium licensing fees
·         Full Body Riot - FBR
·         Solidarity Sing Along
·         Themed “Law Enforcement Agencies”
o   Capitol Police, State Patrol, DNR
o   National Guard - Viet Nam protest re-enactment
·         Pepper spray, rubber bullets, tear gas
·         Restraining devices
·         Pain compliance
·         Verbal abuse law enforcement, GOP officials, and Tea Party lunatics
·         Citations
·         Jail time
·         Recorded interview with member of Wisconsin Capitol Correspondents Association  reporter
·       Souvenir t-shirt, pin and limited edition Ian’s™ pizza box with original artwork by PizzaboxMike®

The DOA has scheduled two additional presentations to allow the public to see the conscientious job that they are doing to protect the sanctity of our State Capitol building and grounds. Please attend either, or both:
Thursday, December 8, 4-6 pm and Saturday, December 10, 9-11am - in the Capitol basement.  
Capitol Rules for Access to the Public (CRAP)


  1. Excellent PR brief, Mr. Vittie. I assume you submitted your "Authorized Author" message compliance review fees and successfully passed your Prior Oversight Of Public Statements (POOPS) screening by the Capitol Inquisitor in their new and highly authentic replica of the famous "Star Chamber".